Redemption of Remorse
by scrittore18
Summary: She felt as if she would never be able to forgive herself. After all, she had done too many 'unforgivable' things. In which Sinead contemplates being labeled a traitor—or tries to, until someone crashes into her musings. Set after 'Day of Doom'.


**A/N: When reading 'Day of Doom', I was once again reminded of how abruptly the author wrote the whole Sinead 'turns back to the good side' thing. Not trying to bash the book, but the ending seemed to not resolve anything. Sinead first says that she doesn't want forgiveness, then she says she doesn't expect it, then everyone distrusts her (for good reason), then it seems to be 'all good'. Kind of abrupt, and slightly disappointing to read. Here is my attempt of trying to resolve Sinead's betrayal/acceptance back into the group.**

 **Warning: May not be any better than the author of DOD's attempt.**

* * *

" _We crucify ourselves between two thieves: regret for yesterday and fear of tomorrow." ~Fulton Oursler_

—

Sinead sat alone, staring down at the sparkling, bright blue, multi-million dollar pool without really looking at it.

Currently, she was viewing it from a few yards away on top of a grassy mini-hill, but was also positioned behind some hedges where no one would be able to spot her from the enormous mansion that Ian and Natalie owned. She was trying her hardest to be social, but 'catching up' with her cousins was proving to be exhausting.

Four months.

That was how much time had elapsed since Vesper One and Two—AKA Damien Vesper III and Isabel Kabra—had been taken down. That's how much time had elapsed since the doomsday device had been destroyed.

 _It's how much time has elapsed since I've turned back to the good side. Before that I was a—_

Her heart fought against the words. But she forced herself to think them anyways.

 _A traitor. A sellout. A backstabber._

The thing was, when Sinead had first turned back to the Cahills, she had told Amy, _''I don't expect you to forgive me or trust me."_

And she hadn't of, though Amy had told her many times since then that she forgave her. But how? Sinead not only sold the Cahills out, but had done so in the most despicable way. She had lied to, deceived, and double-crossed the people who she should have been helping. Because of her, the others hadn't been able to find the hostages initially. Because of her, Damien Vesper had been aided in making the doomsday device. Because of her willingness to do 'whatever it took' to help her brothers, everyone had almost been killed—including Ted.

She felt as if she would never be able to forgive herself.

Not to mention, Amy seemed like the only person who _had_ completely forgiven her. The rest of the group hadn't said anything since their arrival at the Kabra estate yesterday morning, but she had caught the expressions on some of the faces.

Distrust. Disgust. Discomfort.

She didn't blame them. If the roles were reversed, _she_ wouldn't be so polite, probably choosing to call out the individual and demand an explanation as to why they thought their presence was welcome. Sinead hadn't even received an 'official' invitation. Ian had called Amy and told her to inform the others, so Amy had in turn, called her.

At first, Sinead had flat-out refused to go, telling Amy that she didn't think her presence would be welcome. But her cousin had been convincing, and also logical in her approach, stating that if Sinead acted like a criminal, everyone would still treat her like one.

' _Where's the tough Sinead that I know and love? Now c'mon. I might need your support too."_

Love.

It was dumbfounding how Amy could casually drop that word when nothing about Sinead's actions had merited it. But she had reluctantly agreed to go, knowing that her cousin was still having a hard time getting over Evan's death.

She had kept that in her mind and stuck close to Amy the prior day and it had provided a blanket of safety. Though she had still caught some distrusting looks, no one voiced anything. That is, until this morning.

 _ ***Flashback***_

 _Sinead was sitting with Ned at the kitchen table, typing away on her laptop. She had almost left it at home, but grabbed it at the last minute. Thank goodness._

" _Wow. What did the poor keys do to you?" Dan asked, walking into the room with Atticus and Natalie._

 _Sinead was surprised to see the snooty British girl lowering herself to hang out with the two goofballs, but then decided that nearly dying could do strange things to people. Either that, or the girl had simply chose to walk in the room at the same time as the boys._

" _Nothing. I'm trying to do some research."_

" _Research?"_

 _This question came from Amy, who came in right behind Dan. To Sinead's dismay, she noticed that all of the cousins were trailing behind her. Then she noted that they were all going for water and remembered that they had all been playing some sort of game outside._

" _For a project," she said in what she hoped was a brief tone, before turning her eyes back to the laptop._

" _Hopefully not selling any of us out again," Hamilton muttered._

 _Sinead couldn't help the tightening of her shoulders, but tried to play it off like she hadn't heard him, keeping her gaze firmly on the screen in front of her._

" _Dude, can you hand me a water bottle?" Jonah said loudly._

" _You're right by one," Hamilton threw the rapper a confused look, but complied._

" _Thanks. Man, did I do good out there or what?"_

 _Jonah went on, bragging about his layup, which quickly got contested by practically everyone else, and the moment slid by. But Sinead still felt its sting, especially when she heard Nellie whisper to Reagan, "You have to wonder though what she's doing on there. I'm not as trusting as Amy."_

 _Again, the words hurt. But Sinead felt like she deserved them, and knew that Nellie hadn't meant for her to hear. The Ekat shouldn't have been able to, from way across the room and all, but she was wearing an invention made by Ned—a hearing device disguised as an earring—that he had asked her to test out. He was wearing one too on his necklace, and she caught his wince and apologetic look in her direction._

 _But she kept typing, pretending that none of it was affecting her._

 _She was good at putting on fronts. After all, she thought bitterly, she'd had years to perfect it._

 ***End Flashback***

So now here she was, hiding away from the awkwardness of interacting with people who probably secretly wanted her dead—or at least to disappear—and wishing that two days would suddenly pass so she could go home.

 _I don't blame anyone for distrusting me. But it still hurts. I was so_ _ **stupid**_ _._

The worst part was, she had genuinely hated the Cahills after the explosion, choosing to not forgive, so in turn, how could she expect it from anyone else? And then, on top of that, she trusted _Damien Vesper._ Sinead flinched as the image of his attractive face flashed through her mind. Not so attractive though when he had threatened to torture Ted to 'prove her loyalty', or had coldly informed the Ekat that Ted would be killed alongside the others. Any feelings that Sinead might have had for the evil, psychotic, Vesper had been killed in that instant.

 _To think, I fancied myself 'in like' with someone like that; someone who cared nothing about me in return._

She shoved the thought out of her brain, not wanting to relive _that_ particular moment, and made her mind blank out. There was no point in reflecting on her idiocy, _again._

 _Clear your thoughts. Think of nothing. That's it; let your mind ease into—_

A loud rustle and then a thud sounded behind her, making her start. Trying to calm her racing heart, she told herself that there couldn't be any wild animals smack-dab in the middle of the Kabra's sprawling acreage, and then turned her body slowly towards the source of the noise.

A dark jacket was the first thing she saw. Then she noticed that it was attached to a figure—a figure whose back was turned and seemed to be hiding just like she was.

Sinead cleared her throat, and the figure whirled, panicked brown eyes landing on her.

"Sinead? What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing Jonah," she said dryly. "Are you _hiding_?"

Of course, it was a question full of hypocrisy, but _he_ didn't have to know that.

"Yeah."

It was then she noticed he was gasping for breath, and her brow furrowed. She waited though, and after taking several gulps of air, Jonah went on, voice low, "Some of my fans found me. I was walkin' out in the front, and it was like an army of them. I managed to get through the front gate, but I still heard screams behind me. Have ya seen any?"

Sinead shook her head wordlessly, but leaned to look out past the hedge. "No one in sight," she confirmed, after a few seconds of scanning. "But you might want to alert Ian so he can have his security check the area. There are a lot of places they could be. The grounds are huge."

Jonah nodded and pulled out his phone, typing rapidly.

"Speaking of security"—the thought hit her as she watched him—"why don't you have your bodyguards with you? Shouldn't they be on standby?"

"I was tryin' to lie low. Didn't think the fans would find me here."

The Ekat rolled her eyes, but turned back to the pool, deciding that his statement was a good conversation closer. Jonah would get clearance in a few minutes and would more than likely return to the safety of the mansion. In the meantime, Sinead would go back to thinking of nothing.

Jonah however, had other ideas. "So why are you out here?"

"I wanted to be somewhere quiet, away from people."

Acting like he didn't get the hint Jonah hunkered down next to her, peering around the hedge like she had done only seconds ago. He must have deemed it safe because he let out a deep breath and then leaned back on his hands. "Oh yeah. I totally get it. I love the crowds and all the excitement man, but sometimes you gotta just kick back and take in nature ya know?"

Sinead didn't answer, keeping her gaze straight ahead. After a somewhat awkward pause, Jonah continued, "Besides, we've had enough excitement over the last year right? With all of that 'fighting the Vespers stuff' and—"

Suddenly, she heard herself snap out, "You mean _you_ all fought the Vespers. 'Ya know'"—she imitated his lingo—"the group of horrible, _evil_ people that I aligned myself with."

There was another pause, but this one was longer.

 _Good. Maybe he will go away now and leave me alone._

Jonah hadn't been one of the individuals who had reacted badly to seeing her the first day, _or_ had acted weird at all, now that she thought of it. But she was sure it was just an act or if he was super oblivious. She replayed the scene in the kitchen and decided to go with the 'oblivious' choice.

"Well," Jonah said easily, like they were discussing the rain index. "You aren't aligned with them now."

Sinead snorted. Then, to keep him from saying anything else on the subject, stated, "I suppose not."

It worked. Jonah didn't say another word. When she glanced at him, he was frowning at the sky. She followed his gaze, flicking her eyes upward, and frowned too at the rapidly moving clouds. Surely it wouldn't rain, _again._ It seemed like it had been doing that non-stop since they had been here. Maybe she should use that as an excuse and go inside...but she was kind of comfortable here, with the soft grass beneath her, not to mention, the safety of the spot itself.

"You know my mother disowned me right?"

The phrase seemed to come out of nowhere. Sinead peeked at the rapper, but he still wasn't looking at her.

"Yes," she admitted. "I do know that."

She left it at that, not feeling close enough to him to say anything else. And "I'm sorry" seemed inadequate. Plus, she was still wondering what it had to do with anything.

"It sucks. Ya know, I used to be willing to do anything for her approval. I never got it though, and I finally decided it wasn't worth it towards the end of the Clue hunt, when she wanted me to do some really bad things."

"So what's your point?" Sinead snapped. "Do you want a 'congratulations' or something?"

When he flinched, she softened her voice, but only a little. "Look, you did the right thing Jonah. You refused to kill or do whatever evil she wanted you to do, even at the expense of her disowning you."

"What about the things I did _during_ the Clue hunt?"

She halted, not sure what he was referring to. She and her brothers had been hospitalized during most of the hunt, and she hadn't exactly kept tabs on every single detail.

"What do you mean?" she asked warily.

Jonah met her gaze now, but his face was relaxed. "I left Amy and Dan for the Crocs in the Nile, and I'm not talking 'bout shoes. Then I set up Dan to be killed in China, and purposely kept him away from Amy and Nellie, who were getting pretty worried about him being lost. I did other things too. And you wanna know why I did 'em?"

Sinead didn't answer, but Jonah apparently didn't need one. He went on, "I did it for family, for my mom, 'cause I felt like my loyalty should lie with her and my branch, just like you believed the same for your brothers."

The redheaded Ekat soaked in his words, but still shook her head. "It's not the same," she stated firmly, looking away from him, feeling uncomfortable all of a sudden and wishing she had left when she had the chance. "You may have done some slightly bad things—"

"What about the Holts? What they did was low. I mean, they kinda set off the explosion that put you in this position. I can see why ya would have been bitter."

Sinead swallowed, trying to not think of it.

"All I'm saying is that we've all done bad things, except for Dan and Amy of course. But we've all turned to the light side, just like you."

"Light side?" Sinead scoffed. "Is that a Star Wars reference?"

Jonah grinned, showing off two dimples that momentarily side-tracked her.

"Maybe. Anyways, don't beat yourself up. Gotta go forward and go with the flow."

"And how would you suggest I do that?" she asked hotly, annoyed that he was reading the situation so well. Sinead prided herself on the defenses she built, and though she was probably being slightly transparent, he still shouldn't be able to pinpoint her inner turmoil like this. _No_ one should be able to.

Jonah shrugged. "You're the brainy one outta the two of us. But you'll figure it out."

His phone buzzed, much to the Ekaterina's relief, after a quick glance at it he stood. "All's clear."

She nodded at him, then, hesitantly, she mumbled, "Thanks."

It was hard to say. But once the word was out, it wasn't so bad.

"Anytime cuz."

He smiled at her again, and she returned it. She didn't hold his gaze for long though, gazing back up at the sky instead, mulling over his words.

Maybe it _was_ time to forgive herself. After all, if she didn't, could she really expect the others to?

"Oh, and before I go"—she looked over warily at Jonah. He was grinning, his eyes exhibiting nothing but admiration. "Your shirt is fly."

Caught off-guard, she glanced down at it. It was done quickly, but when she looked back up, Jonah was gone.

She stared at the empty space between her and the hedge and wondered if that conversation had really just happened. Had Jonah—her seemingly self-centered and oblivious cousin— _helped_ her? Given her solid advice? Been insightful and sympathetic? Not to mention, he had shared some pretty personal stuff with her, stuff that Sinead (if in his position) probably wouldn't have shared.

Shaking it off, she took the focus off of who the advice had come from, and instead focused on the words.

" _Anyways, don't beat yourself up. Gotta go forward and go with the flow."_

She hated to admit it, but he was right. What had self-pity and 'what ifs' done for her lately, except make her feel even more condemned? While remorse had been a good thing a few months ago—in that it had made her change sides and see the error of her ways—it was time to move on.

Amy was right too. She replayed some of her cousin's words to her, right after her return to the Cahills.

" _I trust you Sinead."_

" _There's a thing called redemption."_

" _You're a good person. Never stop believing that."_

Tears filled Sinead's eyes, but instead of wallowing, she stood, took a deep breath, and squared her shoulders. It may take time, a _lot_ of time— _and_ effort—but she was going to 'go forward', and work on this 'forgiveness' stuff.

Carefully, she maneuvered past the hedges that had been her shield for the past hour and moved towards the mansion.

First, she would give a public apology to her cousins. Secondly, she would tell them that they didn't have to accept it, or trust her—exactly what she had told Amy four months ago but could never quite bring herself to tell everyone else. After that, all she could do was move on and into the future.

 _ **Redemption**_ started now.

—

" _It's never too late, to begin again."_

* * *

 **Yes, I threw Jonah in there, but in a** **strictly** **friendship way. In my opinion, he was the perfect person (with his easy-going nature) to tell Sinead that. It's not like she would sit and have a deep conversation with** _ **anyone**_ **, so he provided a good surface-level one, while still going 'deep' for him. Plus, I wanted the focus to be on the conversation more than any bond between anyone. (I actually tossed the idea of Ian talking to her instead, but I couldn't think of a good reason for him to be hiding.)**

 **Anyways, this is a stand-alone but I might add more later! I kind of have some ideas,** _ **especially**_ **since it's super annoying to me that Sinead isn't in the 'unstoppable' series…I may have to change that, in the only way I know how to do…(WRITE SOMETHING) ;)**

 **Reviews are always appreciated!**


End file.
